Our first installment of Advice To Young Ladies is actually advice how to cajole one’s brother into taking one to the latest soiree. Imagine, if you will, the party scene circa 1840, where you, a lovely young lady, are wanting to get out of the house and see friends and perhaps dance with a cute boy or two. How do you go about this seemingly easy task (at least by today’s standards) and join in the festivities? You don’t drive (no cars) and a young lady isn’t allowed to flit about the evening without a proper (ie: parent approved) escort so how do you get to the hoppin’ cotillion? You get your brother to take you. Suddenly, your goofy older brother doesn’t seem like such a pain in the @ss, right? Except, brother has his own agenda for the evening (because, let’s face it, he’s a guy and 1840 is still very much a guy’s world of debauchery, partying and gambling-old school style) and accompanying his little sister around town to the cities tamer amusements is so not on his agenda.
Enter the invaluable advice of Mr. Author.

To do this, a young lady must consult the tastes of her brothers, and endeavor to take sufficient interest in the pursuits that interest them, as to make herself companionable…There is no surer way for a sister to gain an influence with her brother, than to cultivate all exterior graces and accomplishments, and improve her mind by reading, thinking, and observation. By these means…gives her a double power over him for good.

I boiled down his rather long winded diatribe to get to cut to the quick of the matter, which is, don’t be a pain in the keister and show an interest in all he wants to do and he will want to spend time with you. Mr. Author follows this advice with a tale about a brother who is being cajoled by his friends to ditch his sister and go out partying with them. Our virtuous brother refuses to break the promise to his sister and after much ribbing from his buddies, he is left in peace, but wondering if he did the right thing. Next morning, in the paper there is a story about how these same friends got drunk at a restaurant, picked a fight with the owner and a huge bar brawl ensued, resulting in the death of one of the boys and grave injuries to the rest. The brother’s heart is filled with love for his sister who saved him from such a fate. He becomes her devoted escort, where she is then trotted about town to any party she wishes by a grateful brother.

Wow. Gotta love those moral tales. Though I doubt predicting your brother’s imminent demise or unsightly scarring would be a truly effective escort tool, being the kind of person he likes to be around certainly makes hanging out with you more agreeable. A couple rounds of Rock Band will go a long way in securing a lift to the next party. So, be nice to your brother and smile politely when he talks about a) sports b) video games or c) video sports games and much can be gained when the weekend comes around.

Until our next installment. Ciao Bella.